“Codependency is not about a relationship with an addict, it is the absence of relationship with self.” ~Terry Kellogg

There is considerable psychological literature on the problems of the codependentrelationship,but I would like to explore this complicated interaction from the dynamics of the ego and left brain…it is usually characteristic of the ego within our left brain to want to judge and control not only our self but also others.

When we can’t meet the socially conditioned expectations of our left brain it tends to result in feelings of inadequacy and a sense we lack the necessary self control…this experience can lead one to admire and desire help from people who appear to be more successful and in better self control…it tends to bring about a feeling of attraction toward such a person and hopes for a relationship with them..but it also offers those who have a mutual need to be in control and in a position of power a very appealing involvement…it takes two people with such complimentary needs to create the basic seeds of a codependent relationship…this attraction usually is felt as genuine love feelings instead of the beginning of an unwholesome codependency.

Those who look for support and control outside themselves are essentially giving up their independence and personality integrity…however they may find considerable relief from their past stressful attempts to control their own life when coming under the control and power of someone else… it may create an intense feeling of needing them along with infantile gratifications of complete dependency…such a relationship unfortunately can develop into an addiction with the only meaning and purpose of life is to lose oneself in a merger with a partner who has become their substitute ego…like any addiction,there is deterioration in personal integrity and lifestyle.

Very often steps to correct this problem only occurs when the situation hits rock bottom…the final stage may reach a point where uncontrollable violence develops…even at this point the battered person may find it irresistible to satisfy her addictive needs by returning …the gratification of coming under the control of a domineering mate can have a trance like release deceptively experienced as intoxicating and liberating…there are some traditional religions and cultures which encourage a similar type of male/female relationship which also raises questions whether instinctual and biological factors play a role in this behavior.

However when taken to its final conclusion it is an extraordinary example of the power of our controlling ego leading us down a rather destructive path…regretfully,the controlling ego is largely a fabricated device of society to maintain conventional behavior…and relaxing these pressures would be a threat to our social expectations.

Related Pages:
Problematic Ego
Bilateral Personalities
Letting Go

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