I have been interested in the psychology of “letting go” most of my life…I was introduced to it when as a young man I became familiar with Oriental Philosophy…and found it one of the most valuable skills I’ve learned in life…it is primarily concerned with the letting go of many of the unnecessary goals and expectations from our socially conditioned self … we are often unaware because of habit that we really don’t need many of the things and activities in which we spend much of our time…letting go of these habits can be a very liberating experience.

However when we find that we have a strong emotional dependency on an activity or relationship, it usually requires a more involved effort to free ourselves… the source of emotional dependency is usually embedded in our subconscious mind… Freedom from this problem needs a more intense desire to let go…. This message has to be heard by our subconscious mind over a period of time and if it is a sincere desire we will be granted our wish…..for those interested in more information, please refer to related page,”Surrender Psychology“.

The ultimate letting go is the seeing through the falsehood of our socially conditioned self… Instead there is an identity with our intuitive feelings as our primary guide while the socially conditioned self becomes a secondary identity.

As I started to picture the trees in the storm, the answer began to dawn on me. The trees in the storm don’t try to stand up straight and tall and erect. They allow themselves to bend and be blown with the wind. They understand the power of letting go. Those trees and those branches that try too hard to stand up strong and straight are the ones that break.~ Julia Butterfly Hill

By letting it go it all gets done. The world is won by those who let it go. But when you try and try. The world is beyond the winning. When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be.~ Lao Tzu

Letting go doesn’t mean giving up, but rather accepting that there are things that cannot be.~ Anon

The harder you fight to hold on to specific assumptions, the more likely there’s gold in letting go of them.~John Seely Brown

Truly loving another means letting go of all expectations. It means full acceptance, even celebration of another’s personhood.~ Karen Casey

There are things that we never want to let go of, people we never want to leave behind. But keep in mind that letting go isn’t the end of the world, it’s the beginning of a new life.~ Author Unknown

10 Responses

  1. Carol..Great hearing from you again,your comments are always appreciated…Sid

  2. Don’t feel bad. I’ve gotten locked into battles like this too. I keep going on something that’s giving me resistance while at the same time thinking how futile it is. I don’t like my stubborn side, although perhaps it has come in handy from time to time.

  3. Hi…I would suggest as a first step would be to see whether you can “let go” of your expectations and value beliefs toward your husband…values are socially learned and can be changed with sincere efforts and determination…separation with children should be the last step and I would recommend seeing a marriage counselor prior to that decision…Sid

  4. Sid,
    I have been married for almost 10 years with 3 kids. we have struggled with incompatible life views, broken communication, and a lack of common goals and interests. Mistrust has been deep, after discovering and rediscovering his use of pornography for the entire marriage. We have attending counselling for more than a year. I cannot compromise my values any longer and am ready to let go. However, he see this as giving up. How can I help us to move forward with hope for beginning of a new life?

  5. Hi Kristina,

    I am sorry to read about your problem…it appears you are caught up in an addictive and dependent relationship similar to the use of any addictive substance….the addictive person may feel they love their addiction but in fact are essentially running away from painful feelings about themselves….it is a common problem known to psychotherapist who refer to it as a “co-dependent relationship”…as a first step I would suggest you read literature on this subject and see if you are familiar with the problem described…if so you will have a better reference to resolving this problem.


  6. Hi
    i have a BF for almost 8 yrs. in the 4th yr of our relationship he had another girl and the girl got pregnant.but still i accept his apology bcoz of my love.we continue our relationship but in the 7th year here again..the girl got pregnant again.for the 2nd time…it really hurts me..help me to let him go.. i feel i cant live with out him…


  7. Hi,

    This problem can be approached 2 ways…the first is accepting and living with a transient feeling of emptiness if your unable to succeed in this relationship,or you can search for an alternative way to meet your emotional needs…when you reach a point where you are exhausted and feel the futility of succeeding in this relationship you will naturally “let go”.


  8. i have been single for a year and have become smitten towards a guy who isnt reciprocating. how do i let go?

  9. Hi Catherine,

    thanks for this wonderful example of determination and need for others.

    I feel determined to continue doing this blog although not receiving many comments or responses…but your comments help energize me to continue on…Thanks…Sid

  10. Last week I learned that “giving up” can be a neurotic substitute for “letting go” and “independent” can be a substitute for “stubborn.”
    The wind chill was between -20 and -30F but that didn’t stop me from trying to replace the bulb in the headlight of my car. After all, I had done it last summer and, although it was a little challenging, I was successful. This time, however, I just couldn’t get the clip to engage as I was putting everything back together. I was absolutely determined not to “give up.” After an hour of struggling, I returned to the house to thaw out and divert my energy into something more productive. A couple of hours later, I tried again but to no avail. I was practically in tears, anger was welling up inside me and I had developed a bruise on my wrist that made me look like a junkie. All I could think was, “This can’t be that hard. Guys can do it!” After about an hour I finally called my neighbor to ask for help, He couldn’t get the clip to engage either and suggested that I call the repair shop. As it turned out, I had broken the catch which was probably quite brittle due to the freeezing temperature. The mechnic skillfully etched a notch in the plastic to hold the clip and everything went back together without incident.
    The moral to this story is; There is a fine line between being “independent” and being “stubborn” and it’s O.K. to “let go” and admit and accept that we all need others to help us get through the rough spots.

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