LOVE EXPECTATIONS

Source:Love Expectations

Most of us don’t realize that we come to each relationship with, not only preconceived ideas about the other person, but also relationships in general. We often tell people how we love them not recognizing that our love is conditional. That is, you love them as long as they behave and think the way you EXPECT them. If not, you kick them to the curb.

When a person comes to the `relationship table’ with a partner thinking in terms of `Is this the one?’ This does the partner and the person a disservice. The preconceived idea that a relationship with a person should lead to marriage or such, blinds one to who the partner really is and sets up expectations of which that person isn’t even aware. The person doesn’t necessarily `see’ him or her, but `sees’ what they expect of him or her. The moment events start going against those expectations and preconceived ideas there is disappointment and rejection. This is not restricted to romantic love relationships. It can happen in friendship, and relationships with family. An individual might make a terrific friend, or an acquaintance that leads you to the proper guy or gal for you or you just may want to dump them. But the decision wouldn’t be a hasty one.

Now, this is not genetically tied to just women, men suffer this too, but to a lesser degree. Many guys come to relationships with preconceived notions about women, some disrespectful, and with expectations of sex. Which, of course, blinds them to who and what the lady is, and the category they might fall into naturally; romantic, friend, acquaintance, `to the curb’. One good thing that men do that woman can learn from is: Men Date To Have Fun! More women are doing this too, than previously. Too many women, unfortunately, date to get a mate. We do too, but without the intensity of `do or die’. It’s been shown that the intensity women put into finding a mate, beating the biological clock that’s ticking to give birth and shaping a mate to be what they want not only makes them miserable but the person they are doing this to miserable also. Attempting to change another person who doesn’t want to change is a relationship disaster.

On both sides, the problem stems from not knowing who and what you are. If a woman knows who she is, then she is aware that there is infinitely more to her than just becoming someones mate and being a mother. When she has discovered her PASSIONS in life and let them create her life path, the quality of the people she attracts in her life is upgraded. This, in combination with examining your beliefs about yourself and life. The significance of this is once we are born, our beliefs are shaped by our nurturers: Mom, Dad, relatives, friends, teachers, media, church, traditions, government, etc.

So if you haven’t examined your belief in terms of why you believe them, then your beliefs are those of your nurturers; not your own. To believe something because your parents taught you this or you learned it in school or saw it on television, means it didn’t come from your own empirical (everyday) experiences. If it didn’t, and you believe it, you are not being true to yourself. It’s this mixture of beliefs that conflict with each other that bring us to depression and dispair when we are confronted with challenges. Knowing your likes and dislikes, strengths and weaknesses and accepting them; AND taking responsibility for your actions, take you to your Real self. It’s the Real self that leads you to better all around relationships. The superficial qualities of people are those you see, the real qualities of people come from the things they do. That’s where the truth is!

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